flaming jewels

Night Ice (iv): loa

The night is my companion
And solitude my guide
Would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?
--Sarah McLachlan

"lost am i am i"

"oh, lost"

She does hold on to me. I can feel her muscle--she has enough to keep us both upright, for I cannot stand.
I cannot do anything but cling to her like a frightened girl to her boyfriend. And I am hungry hungry hunted hunted hungry

And she sings to me, her wings wide, for she has no sustenance for me. Naught but herself--and I will not take it. I will not. "Little bird, little sister..." I am not a bird. I cannot fly. I can but sink into the earth and leave myself behind, grieving for my soul. I shiver, and the ice creaks again with my shudders. I will not take her. I am strong. I am.

She sings to me, and the crow silences her. The crow,
black
on black branches, a crow sitting in an oak tree. I had almost forgotten about the hunter. It had been so nice in her arms, it had been comfort for a moment. But I should never have turned my back. First rule--look out for yourself.
Corollary--never never never turn your back.

The orange coat announces him. The hunter. Why can't he leave me to my darkness? Why can't I sink into the earth? Why is my rage barely contained, simmering under the surface like the water, simmering under its coat of diamond ice? Why can't he

"Leave. Me. Alone."

I had thought it was a whisper, but at the sound of it, white snow cascades from the branches of the dark and silent trees. He smiles, but smiles, at me, and grins insouciantly at my sister. Arrogant, but he can afford it, for he has a gun, and I have naught but a boot knife.

I look at my sister and damn him already, for without moving he has captured her. The ice cracks, as her eyes crack open windows inside of her and she smiles, without knowing it, at the hunter, orange-coated and harsh. Her eyes are full of something. I growl and the sound is soft against the snow. The hunter pulls a lock of hair from his pocket. It is long, and bright gold, and beautiful. He has bound her. That is why she smiles so beautifully at him, the smile she had given to me only minutes ago. I growl, louder. He has bound her to his crow's eyes and she will not die if he dies, but she will suffer long and I cannot let her suffer.

And he calls to me. The effrontery astounds me, for not a word speaks he, just opens his arms. I will not go. I will not. I am strong. I am hungry, and he will take it away. He has promised that before. I am tired, and he will let me sleep for as long as I want. He has promised that before. He has bound my sister to his eyes and I will not look at him. I will not go. I am strong. I am hungry. Hungry.

But what is in his hand? Ah heaven the demon has her eyes in his hand. Not my angel sister, for her eyes are still chasming in her face, open to all. Not those eyes. The eyes of a corpse,

"an uneasy corpse..." moans my angelsister. I know which corpse he has torn the eyes from. And I will kill him now. Dear heaven, I cannot kill him, for my sister who is alive moans beside me. One sister or the other, for he has my bloodsisters eyes in his hand. Her name was Julianna and she is dead now. Now he hunts me with her eyes. I cannot kill him. Ah heaven what to do what to do.

I cannot think. I howl at him and feel my face almost crack from the weight of the rage. I cannot think and my sister turns my head around, forcing me to look at her. I feel immortal, and I know that if I die in this cause it will be the one I have been destined for. This is what I know, in my rage.

My sister kisses me. I am so surprised that I stop not thinking. It clears my head a little from the rage and the immortal feeling. Second rule--never let yourself feel immortal. It is then that you die the easiest. She slides her tongue into my mouth and my canines prick her tongue. I can leech the light out of her. Heaven please I cannot take the sweetness that she offers (offers!) me. PleaseheavenIcannot I will drain her dry.
No
please
no
please
yesssss

(my love is
gold and white: gilded bright:
i adore her
i adore her!)

and i fall upon her onto the snow and she holds me and her wings have sheltered me and i am i am i am i have my wings my ravens wings i can hunt again and she lies limp and i cannot bear the sight of her limp i feel i feel i have my !wings! and i shall rip him from limb to limb for now and eternity i shall make him suffer for my sister my sister and me for the eyes that he holds in his hand for the smile that bares his ice-chip teeth i am sorry my sister sorry my love my gilded bright love but your offer was one i could not resist

and i fall upon him with my raven wings i have my !wings! i am an angel of light do you feel me my Juli do you feel him cry.

The gun goes off. There is a pain in my side. I cannot feel it, for I have a soldier and a soldier and a soldier's blood in me. I have claws now, talons, and I rip at his face. I kick at his leg, and it breaks. I hear the snap. I grab his arm and twisssst and it breaks. My sister moans on the ice. The white hard edged ice creaks and cracks.

There is a light and a crow sits on a branch before me. Its wing is bent badly, and it looks much the worse for wear. It has bright orange eyes. It hops up into the tree, and I try to fly after it, but the vitality in me has drained away, with the blood from the wound in my side. I try to climb the tree, but the hard fought battle is over. I cannot let him get away. I need to go after him. I need a prettysoftgothgirl to run my hands over and prick /her/ tongue. The crow hops upward. I howl again and more snow slides from the trees.

The ice cracks, for real now. The sound almost deafens me. I turn back to the
lost lake,
black
against my own blackness, and my sister lies with her arms and legs at unnatural angles. Cursing myself and my hunter, I hurry to her, awkward now on skates--flying, I had almost forgotten how to walk. Too awkward-- I take the blades and pull them roughly from the boot. I am strong, though not as strong as some. The blades come off and I am left standing on solid ground with boots on and cuts in my hands as well. They ooze sluggishly--I think my blood has frozen.

I run to my sister. The ice cracks. I do not want her to meet the same fate as her soldiers. I grab her and pick her up. Sluggish blood oozes over her white coat. Her wings are gone. I wipe the bleeding palm of my hand across her mouth and she smells it, tastes it. Of course it is not enough. I need another boy like she had, or a girl. I need to find her food so I can continue the hunt for the crow. By now the hunter will be long gone, and when he heals (which he will, since I could not kill him,) she will heal as well. In fact as I watch her, her arm straightens out. I curse softly and monotonously as I carry her. I cannot find her food, for with the darkness that I have right now, none will come to me.

The ice cracks and huge chunks fall into the frozen water of the lake. More snow falls from branches, and I do not even stagger, for she is light as a feather. Her leg straightens itself. I continue cursing. The edge of the woods looms. I start to sing to myself; I believe I am half mad.

"the ice is thin come on dive in underneath my lucid skin the cold is lost forgotten"

She stirs. I sing. "hours pass days pass time stands still life gets dark and darkness fills my secret heart forbidden. the only comfort is the moving of the river you enter into me a lie upon your lips offer what you want i'll take all that i can get only a fool's here to stay. only a fool's here to stay. only a fool's here...."

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jewel@gleeful.com
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