cursed one:
i hate you. you make me rage against myself. i draw blood from my own hands with sharp nails when i think of you. i see darkness. i taste salt and bitters. i feel the ashes in my palms. burned remains. but there is more. there is always you. you will always torment me. bastard! i spit, i bite, i lash and fight you. you will not hold me! i've sold my soul to your slavery and what precious agony it is! i'll turn the whip on the master, i'll break you--i'll revolt, i'll rise up. you'll regret what you've done to me...
your darkened jewel
hate mail: letter two
cursed one:
i fear you. you make me tremble. your flat palm smacks my face and i curl up on the floor. tears puddle beneath me. why do you do this? why to you bind me, terrify me? why do you demand what i can't give? i crave your abuse because it is the only way i can feel you. use me, use my pain. let it satisfy you--then let me up. let me be human, again. i beg, i plead--o i am wretched! don't strike me again....
your broken jewel
hate mail: letter three
cursed one:
i desire you, but you reject me for that other. why? what does that one have that i do not? i have offered you everything--why do you continue to turn away? i crave, i need, i tremble with frustration--why do you tempt me? you throw crumbs from your table to see me beg. and i am grateful for your scraps. but that other: why is that one invited to the feast? honored and loved? why am i lesser? why don't you see me? i reach for the hem of your garment with unclean fingers...
your dying jewel
hate mail: letter four
cursed one:
you hurt me. you break me. i am pieces in your hand that you grind to dust. why do you burn me? cut me? force me? why do you delight in my agony? did I not come to you freely? did I not offer you love? and yet you mock me. you choke off my breath. you beat me to unconsciousness then prick me back to the present. i don't understand. i ache, i throb, i bleed and sob. i weep for you...
your fractured jewel
copyright 1995 by jewel (Julieann M. Brown-Micko)
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