whoever invented breasts was
pissed off at women coz they're
a real pain in the ass.
if the foot is a miracle of engineering,
boobs are the balled-up plans
that were discarded.
while feet elegantly support
the weight of the body
(those delicate arches!)
hooters just sag and drag,
causing shoulder-slump
and if you've got big jugs, like me,
they require additional rigging
to prevent back pain.
but those damn foundational garments
just squeeze and slide
crawling around your torso,
making you wriggle and itch like the devil.
i swear, you can't win for losing--
no comfort with
or without a brassiere.
sometimes i wonder what the
damn things are good for.
are they just for hauling milk?
if so, i want to be exempt
since i don't have any infants.
and like grandma said,
all my milk's gonna turn to butter
what with all the running around i do.
it's only the sturdiest and steeliest
of underwire bullet bras
that can contain my ample bosom.
i feel like the prow of a ship,
which, when i think about it,
is one of the few good things
about these huge bagangas, anyway.
with every graceless step
i feel like my boobs are shouting:
make way, make way!
these tits will have their sway!
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