#6--PAiN: Calamity Jewelz's "Pain" issue, in glorious purple paper, is a blister of essays, poems and illustrations of all that is pleasurable about the things that make you go ouch.
--Bust #12

#6--PAiN: It's no secret how much most of the AYTD staff dig Calamity Jewelz's poetry/litzine. She and her contributors consistently deliver the goods, with this "Pain"-themed issue the latest and greatest offering from the Almighty Calamity. Her opening editorial is an emotional recollection of her diabetic father slipping and breaking his leg in five places the night before her mother reveals she has cancer: "So much for being strong. So much for not burdening her with my own tears." Noteworthy amongst the multitudes of contributions are excerpts from a Washington Post article on the horrendous abuse women suffer under the Taliban rule in Afghanistan, an anonymous diary entry of a lifetime of pain, a trippy encounter with a beautiful 18-year-old, Michael Whitney's memory of having an intestinal staple (!) removed, Ember's fascination with cutting herself ("The very best part is just when the skin breaks, the precise moment that the object makes its way inside you") and Pat D. McGlynn's poem "At the Margin": "I've known the panic of a hard-on / In Social Studies, seventh grade." There's also a stirring piece by Calamity, in which she recalls visits to the Vietnam War Memorial and the Holocaust Museum: "Near the end [of the museum], there is a wall filled with children's drawings. Construction paper. Crayon and pencil drawings... I stood there, looking at these drawings and I felt a cold wave wash over me... I did not care what the other visitors thought of this strange woman with hot eyes and hitching breath who stared at the drawings. I could not contain what I felt. Could not hold it."
--Amusing Yourself to Death #14

#6--PAiN: I have mixed feelings about this. All of the material in here is very personal and full of emotion, but I just didn't care for most of it. There's a LOT of stuff in this zine--pages and pages of poems, all fairly middle of the road, quality-wise, a couple of short comic stories, one pretty good and the other awful, and lots of short prose pieces, ranging from mediocre to pretty good. Given the price and the sheer volume and variety of stuff, you'll find something good in here, as did I, but I was a little let down.
Night of Vice with the Devil Incarnate!: Another tale of drunkenness. It's poorly drawn and the story isn't that entertaining. Don't bother.
--Zine World #9

(editrixorial note: "night of vice" was reviewed in Zine World #8 as well... a bit odd since it's a freebie with the order, damnit! so much for a promotional giftie from your editrickster! harrumph.)

#6--PAiN:
roscoe: it's purple. or despite being purple. it's very purple. i cut the tip off my thumb and could identify with the whole section on knives. 3 beers.
woodrow: the purple paper is really getting me down and i'm not much into pain. a lot of the writing here is too personalized and doesn't seem to hold any value outside of the writer telling his/her own story. highlight for me was one of two poems by Freddy: "you make flawed art / because you are a / FLAWED PERSON / and when you make NO ART, / you are NO PERSON." 4 beers and i'm getting tired.
--roscoe & woodrow's beer can reviews

(editrixorial note: the number of beers corresponds to how many beers roscoe & woodrow had to drink to finish off my publication. methinks the imps call for something a touch stronger... a fifth of vodka spiked with turpentine, perhaps?)

#5--ViCE: Do you have a vice? Yes? Well then, you will find many compatriots in this issue. No? After reading it, you'll feel as if you have committed enough vice for a lifetime. In "Satan Sez," Calamity bemoans her failures in attempting a viceful life: "You'd think, having been a Catholic schoolgirl, that I would have long ago given myself over to wickedness." There are "Vice Tips" from Coco Marvel for those of you who need help with your depravity. Other vices include smoking, chocolate, cocktails, oogling booty, sex, drugs, coffee and more. Calamity concocts quite a brew of hedonistic delight that is easy to savor, and won't leave you with a hangover or needing penicillin. Also with the issue is "Night of Vice," a comic penned by Dan Frye and told by Calamity Jewelz. It is a tale of alcohol-induced debauchery, starting at a swank Italian restaurant and venturing to William's Peanut Bar for some "Russian Quaaludes" (a drink). After comparing belly buttons, they went on a quest for "Pusser's Painkillers." You can guess how the bacchants felt the next morning.
--Amusing Yourself to Death #13

#2--BiTCH: Lots of good poetry including, "The Obligatory Sex Poem" by J.A. King ("yes, yes, yes / oh baby / is womanspeak for / let's get this fucking / thing over") and Mary's message on Jesus's answering machine ("It would be nice for the Queen of Heaven to hear from her Only Begotten Son occasionally."), a "bitch dicktionary" containing the word "egotestical," and cool graphics. Every issue has a different theme (Vice, Monsters, etc.) and so far I like them all.
--Dodo IV

#4--MoNSTER: I still can't figure out how Calamity can come up with enough stuff to overflow 74+ pages so consistently. This is the "monster" issue and I love the artwork/graphics featured in this issue... so monstrous! Short stories, poetry, and monster portraits... all well worth the money.
--Crying Clown #8

#5--ViCE: If calamity jewelz doesn't start running some static, cliche or maudlin (aka "bad") poetry in this zine soon, I'm going to have to stop claiming that I hate poetry! This issue: "Vice." Calamity and company skillfully sing the diabolical praises of smoking, drinking, sex (but of course), petty theft, and prostitution all on lurid, hot pink paper. Never has being so mildly bad looked so wildly good.
--Zine World #8

Night of Vice: (bonus comic with imps #5) A true-life mini comic about an innocent mid-week happy hour that gets out of hand and leaves everyone finishing the working week with a hangover.
--Zine World #8

iMPS iN THe iNKWeLL: These are big fat zines filled with poetry, prose and comics. Each issue centers around a single theme (#1-HELL, #2-BiTCH, #3-BoDY, #4-MoNSTER, #5-ViCE). Quite a steal for $2/each.
--The White Buffalo Gazette, Aug/Sept 1998

#2--5, BiTCH, BoDY, MoNSTER, ViCE: Each issue has its own theme (Bitch, Body, Monster, Vice) & color of paper; also verse, short prose, & drawings from a wide variety of contributors. I first became aware of editrix calamity jewelz by reading her anti-anti-poetry rant in Amusing Yourself to Death #12. Sure enough, the poems in iiTi are generally better than the usual no-effort zine poetry. I was particularly impressed by L. Paul Gilden's send-up on Shakespeare's Sonnets. The ongoing comic "God Goes Through Hell" is entertaining if crudely drawn... & artist Dan Frye's technique is visibly improving. The whole zine is very nicely designed. Even the weird fonts are less annoying than usual: jewelz has the good sense not to shrink 'em down to the size of ordinary type.
--The Ten Page News #22

#4--MoNSTER: Selected as one of the STAFF PICKS! This is the "Monster" issue. I liked the last issue of iMPS iN THe iNKWeLL that I reviewed, but I loved this issue. Again, Calamity's column "Satan Sez" was one of my favorite bits. She describes her terror of her basement, "Too much 'Night Gallery' as a tot, I'm sure. The doctors told Momma Calamity that wee Jewelz was a 'highly imaginative' child. And Li'l Miz Calamity grew up to be a 'highly imaginative' and overly-sensitive adult. I see ghosts caught in drains... All this and more in my daily 'highly imaginative' life." She makes fun use of cool fonts and monster clip art. Cerise Mars' "Portrait of a Monster" was great, including the dreaded "Lingerie Lizardess - Bra-Dragonlady" and horrid "Coffeehouse Gargoyle." Bibi Ferber's take on the Spice Girls as monsters made me laugh out loud. There is a lot of scary stuff here, including the green paper used. She is looking for tales of vice for the next issue. Recommended.
--Amusing Yourself to Death #12

#3--BoDY: The body issue has something for everyone: enigmatic poetry, straightforward autobiographical stories, silly one-page comics. The continuing comic, "God Goes Through Hell" smells like it's going to be a run-of-the-mill "god as the least of us" tale. I like the variety of approaches to the body image theme, and the orange paper it's printed on. It's a lotta zine for $1.
--Zine World #7

#4--MoNSTER: A mishmash of writings from various folks about monsters--poetry, short stories and comics from the monster under your bed to the monsters in one's mind. The best parts were "portraits of a monster"--data files of the monsters we encounter in everyday life, like "coffeehouse gargoyle" and "bar beast / club fiend." Warning: may make the reader sleep with the lights on, but you can always perform calamity jewelz's monster mojo tips for keeping the monsters at bay.
--Zine World #7

#4--MoNSTER: With literary submissions, comics, poems, and personal stories, publisher Calamity and her pals look at the real and imagined world of monsters. Although there are some traditional horrors here, Cerise's short bestiary of workday monsters was best. She describes the Cube Maze Zombie who endlessly wanders the office, sucking up all the coffee and reading over your shoulder. Bibi Ferber imagines horrible new Spice Girls like "Infantilized Sexuality Spice" and "Anorexia Spice" and Ben Ohmart writes a short spoof of Dracula and the Mummy.
--Factsheet 5 #64

#4--MoNSTER: Warning: 20% of this zine is poetry, but it is mitigated by the fact that lots of it is actually good poetry that the writers truly put some work into. Other than that, there are cartoons about monsters that are nicely funny in the "hmm" sense rather than the "haha" sense. Calamity Jewelz's essays on how her overactive imagination has created monsters in every dusty corner gives me a much better picture of what kind of person she is. Layout-wise, I think they're too free with the "white space" ("green space" in this case, since it's printed on green paper) and 12pt (or larger) fonts (the table of contents runs two whole pages) but that's such a niggling little complaint, I'll probably drop it for space before this zine goes to print.
----This Town Needs an Enema!

#3--BoDY: selected as one of the STAFF PICKS! This is the "Body" issue and the articles, stories and poems relate in a multitude of ways to the human body. This issue starts off particularly strong, with editrix Calamity Jewelz's column, "Satan Sez." She describes her hatred of her body as a young woman, and how she starved herself. She idolized cover girls and "when I felt hungry, I'd look at them. I promised myself new clothes when I lost weight. I was five-foot-six and weighed 125 pounds." She makes great use of clip art and accompanying body-related text. I would have liked to have seen a little more prose, and a little less poetry. The prose seemed much stronger. "Right Under the Big Sky, I Don't Wear a Hat" describes David Micko's voluntary baldness. "God Goes Through Hell," by Dan Frye, is an ongoing comic adventure, with a loose drawing style. The layout makes this issue very readable, and is paced well.
--Amusing Yourself to Death #11

#3--BoDY: The 62 pages of "The Body Issue" consist of a nice medley of poetry, cartoons, and other oddities... puts a funny spin on dated clipart. My fav. feature is the continuing comix of God Goes Through Hell.
--Crying Clown #7

#2--BiTCH: An often light, sometimes angry collection of material from the bitch perspective; lots of single page essays, comments, comics, and short literary writing. Gail tells us how to nurture the inner bitch, Frances shares a dictionary of gender and sex terms, Calamity lists the all-star bitches from history and literature, and Genie put together a great collage of an 8-armed bitch warrior. David then gives us a rant from the male bitch perspective, comparing urinal types from the trough to the kiddie-sized wall mount.
--Factsheet 5 #63

#2--BiTCH: This zine of mostly poetry came to us as trade bait. #2 weighs in at a whopping 80 pages. Most of the poetry was alright but not the stuff I personally enjoy. What I did like was a humorous rant by David Micko about pissin' in the short urinal, a comic called "God Goes Through Hell" by Dan Frye wherein God decides to overcome his ennui by becoming mortal for 30 days, and a paean to rednecks everywhere entitled "Roy's Letter T'Home," transcribed by Doug Stein. However, the zine lost points with me when I read the obligatory eulogy to the ex-royal C*NT Diana Spencer. My feeling is, she got exactly what she deserved given her lifestyle and circumstances. Overall, though, the zine is well worth a dollar and a read-through.
-- Think 3, March 1998

#3--BoDY: #2 was the "Bitch" issue. #3 has a "Body" theme. Smaller than before (a mere 60 pages!), the zine continues to employ cleverly-exploited, well-reproduced clip-art to put an aggressively feminist spin on antique cartoons. Among the better bits were the "editrix's" memoir of weight anxiety and William Hiles's very short wartime story, "The Architect." The "God" comic continues, crudely drawn and meandering like the last time. Overall, I was less impressed with this one than with the previous effort, but Jewelz is still putting out a formidable product at an alarmingly low price.
-- Think 3, March 1998

#3--BoDY: iMPS iN THe iNKWeLL is a Minnesota-made zine contending in the "most fonts used" category of design idiosyncrasy. (Since the fonts are so noticeable, it would be nice if they were named and their sources given.) Each issue contains clip art with added captions, "poems" which made this reviewer wince, and a serial comic titled "God Goes Through Hell." The best parts of issue #3, which focuses on the human body, are an editorial about coping with an eating disorder ("what's more pathetic than a would-be bulimic?") and "Reflections on Voluntary Baldness."
--MSRRT Newsletter, Jan/Feb 1998

#1--HELL: selected as one of the RECOMMENDED ZINES OF THE MONTH! Outstanding premiere issue from editrix Calamity Jewelz! She credits Satan, of all people, for her inspiration, for "who else but the embodiment of selfish, sensual badness would dare me to grab life (that slut) by the ears and give it a throat-swabbing smooch?" This is a great collection of poetry, prose, and art defining various kinds of hell: loss, fear, hate, waste, emptiness, etc. My kind of stuff; I zipped through all 74 pages without putting it down. I loved the dark mood but also the humor and strength in the writing, and the vibrant red pages and killer clip art were cool, too. Some of the pieces that stood out for me were Paul Mena's "451 Fahrenheit" - "it was hell / your lips / pressing against mine / a vague unspoken speech / a tired metaphor for love, " Marcel Feldmar's "Choices" - "i choose death over a memory of you / i choose forever blind over the sight of you / give me a choice / before i bleed away," and Leslie Herzfeld's "Hell-ku" - "In a handbasket / hell awaits shy fingertips / Fangs among the figs." There's also a tasty recipe for Deviled Eggs from Gail Catheryn. I especially liked the attitude of Calamity's writing, "so i take satan's advice once in a while. i write. i do embarrassing things. i drink. i smoke cigars. i boogie down lasciviously and get thrown off dance floors. i'm learning to tell people to kiss my candy-apple ass." It's an inspirational, risk-taking, and, sorry for the joke, "devil may care" attitude. Highly recommended!
--Amusing Yourself to Death #10

#2--BiTCH: The "BiTCH" issue is filled with energetic "bitchy" poetry, a bunch of "bitchpix" (hilarious captions to clip art) and a few random thoughts on the subject. I loved L. Paul Gilden's poems, "Prayer at the Funeral of an Adulterous Husband" and "Another Season" (a funny take on one of Shakespeare's more well-known sonnets), Frances Lovelace's "bitch dicktionary" (grrrls: chix who bite back), DeAnna Knippling's poem "With a Bunch of Women" and Genie Doucet's "Modern Feminazi Bitch Warrior," which is neatly illustrated without losing its attitude ("she's gonna screw you before you get a chance to screw her"). Also: David Micko offers a male perspective on bitchiness by talking about the short urinal in men's bathrooms, Dan Frye contributes his comic about God becoming man for 30 days and Gail Catheryn remembers Princess Di ("the Top Bitch of England... She didn't give a rat's ass what the rest of England thought of her") and talks about the "Care and Feeding of the Inner Bitch" ("The inner bitch is the guard dog of our confidence"). Great attitude, great zine.
--Amusing Yourself to Death #10

#2--BiTCH: The first thing you notice about iMPS is its thickness. The type seems to be unnecessarily large, and this would be a major complaint were it not for the low cover price. This is the "Bitch" issue, with plenty of prose and poetry, plus comix and "reinterpreted" clip art. Plenty to read and enough of it is clever and entertaining to make this a worthwhile purchase.
--diRt

iMPS iN THe iNKWeLL: Each issue of calamity jewelz's "wee zine of devilish design" has a theme like hell or bitch. Thick compilations of poetry, awesome clip art & other tidbits with attitude.
--Flaming Eggs #8

#2--BiTCH: This is the "bitch" issue. The contributors have a lot of fun and don't ever seem to be in danger of falling into either dogmatic feminism or riot grrrrrrrl zine clichés. Like any good high-wire act, they make it all look so easy. And I've seen old-fashioned clip art given humorous captions, but never this cleverly.
--Zine World #5

iMPS iN THe iNKWeLL * P.O. Box 6724 * Minneapolis MN 55406 * $2.00/trade

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